Showing posts with label fashion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fashion. Show all posts

Friday, January 9, 2015

BIll Windsor's Crimes of Fashion - By OReader

This blog has been many things to many people. We've covered many topics in various ways - parody, illustrations, games, commentary, and we've even delved into the DSM. But, somehow it seems we've overlooked something very near and dear to Bill Windsor.  . . . fashion.

"It was old pro se me against The Ellis County District Attorney Patrick Wilson. Patrick Wilson is the main man. He’s probably typical of many small county district attorneys – not that sharp. Patrick Wilson is bald and always wears what appear to be Walmart suits that have pants that are too tight and a suit coat that is way too short. Sorry to be rude, but this does paint the picture – wouldn’t want anyone to think I was up against a super attorney or a sharp dresser. I didn’t feel that under-dressed in my orange-striped prison jumpsuit and my orange fluorescent rubber shoes. "

The fabulous Mr. Windsor is likely delighted to share fashion tips galore!

Mr. Windsor is wearing a classic navy blazer with khaki slacks. Notice his blazer is adorned with brass buttons. These are the height of fashion (for 1982)!

Let's see what our stylistas have to say about brass buttons for today's hot fashion:

The brass buttons don’t say, “Trusted professional!” They say, “I seem to think I’m a Navy admiral who’s forgotten the rest of his dress blues.”

When I see a gold buttoned blazer, I don't see a blazer. I just see gold buttons. To me, it seems rather garish. Yeah it’s a classic, but so are fedoras.

No thanks to this good old boy look...its lame. I swear this is like the old man’s uniform seriously...look at them all, pleated (disgusting) khakis, with a blue button down shirt, under this most of the time boxy monstrosity.

The whole look is too collegiate or country club, and is too often the default look for guys that don't know how to dress or what to wear. When I see someone wearing one I can't help but think "nice buttons Admiral."

Ouch, that hurts.

Well, that’s just the buttons. Let’s take a look at the fit.

Don’t the sleeves seem just a tad long, and is the jacket supposed to hang down like that in the front? I thought that the shirt sleeves were supposed to peek out, but what do I know? Let's see what the experts say:

 It doesn’t matter what it says on your business card if you’re handing it out with a hand swimming in fabric. It may sound minor, but if the sleeves of your shirt and jacket are not the right length, you’ll look silly.

Most men assume that once their pants are hemmed, they're done. (Bill forgot that step.) But jacket sleeves are just as important, if not more so, to have tailored. Too-long sleeves look careless, and too-short sleeves look dorky. Make sure the jacket ends 1/2 inch above your shirt sleeve. In addition, take care to tailor the jacket width around the bicep and the torso. Most guys' suit jackets are way too roomy, making them look heavier or simply sloppier. (or both)

And now that the expert has mentioned it, what’s up with the way it gaps at around the lapels? It's like Bill found a fashion website while suffering from his tax blindness, and he picked the wrong illustrations from the above diagram.

Yeah yeah, I know what you trendsetters are looking at: those shoulders. Are there shoulder pads underneath that broad spance across the top? Or, is it possible that Mr. Windsor has such a manly physique?

I’m not sure that he even has shoulders.

Well at least when he was in Atlanta somebody knew to get his shirts pressed, though I’m not sure it matters when the shoulders are 3 sized too large. 

More recently, Windsor has been known to shun an iron.

If he can photoshop his eyes, maybe he could smooth out those wrinkles digitally too. Just sayin’ 
(He could probably retire that Lawless America hat too.)

Is this a dress or a shirt? Oh wait, maybe it’s a tunic. 
That’d look great with some jeggings.

And who is he calling tiny feet?
Those are some princess feet if ever I saw them. . .

                                        It'd probably be fashionable to buy hairspray too, 
                                             it’ll really help keep that combover in place.

But, does this all really matter? Let’s look at Bill’s audience. I just know they will be highly judgemental of the mere idea that Patrick Wilson shops at Walmart.

That’s what you wear to go on camera and be in a movie?

Well at least he knows where to find a hat to go with his jacket.

So what does a sharp dressed man look like?
I’d say like this: